I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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