I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When did angry sex become our thing?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
