Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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