there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i think my cat just said my name.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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