"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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