Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
