You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
