If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize