why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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