Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
