I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.