we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery