Texts From Last Night

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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.

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  (256): Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload. (1-256): That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man. http://tfl.nu/ruio
  Replies (41) Good night (2788) Bad night (769)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?

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  (321): Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik? http://tfl.nu/lg9s
  Replies (41) Good night (3232) Bad night (618)
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  (760): View more from California

  oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year

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  (760): oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year http://tfl.nu/nw70
  Replies (11) Good night (4477) Bad night (625)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

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  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
  Replies (26) Good night (10564) Bad night (1201)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint

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  (201): The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint http://tfl.nu/xmhe
  Replies (15) Good night (4639) Bad night (993)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?

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  (210): she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate? http://tfl.nu/d0z4
  Replies (19) Good night (4679) Bad night (2331)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I swear to god he's a one man village people.

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  (503): I swear to god he's a one man village people. http://tfl.nu/tro1
  Replies (13) Good night (3070) Bad night (1322)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.

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  (301): Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back. http://tfl.nu/elq7
  Replies (3) Good night (2526) Bad night (869)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.

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  (918): The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me. http://tfl.nu/3sv8
  Replies (16) Good night (3440) Bad night (1170)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He's a Shit stain on my heart

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  (719): He's a Shit stain on my heart http://tfl.nu/9sgb
  Replies (11) Good night (735) Bad night (1385)
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  (707): View more from California

  Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.

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  (707): Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got. http://tfl.nu/yk6y
  Replies (5) Good night (510) Bad night (1518)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex

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  (775): She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex http://tfl.nu/ps9c
  Replies (3) Good night (904) Bad night (224)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.

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  (253): We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken. http://tfl.nu/e42q
  Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (322)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.

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  (859): I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace. http://tfl.nu/dz2e
  Replies (0) Good night (342) Bad night (425)
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  (323): View more from California

  There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.

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  (323): There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation. http://tfl.nu/bbsf
  Replies (4) Good night (392) Bad night (765)

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