Someone shit on the floor
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think I just shit out all my problems.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT