Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.

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  (614): My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation. http://tfl.nu/2cc3
  Replies (12) Good night (933) Bad night (5206)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.

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  (813): I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month. http://tfl.nu/259p
  Replies (20) Good night (739) Bad night (5152)
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  (916): View more from California

  We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

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  (916): We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever. http://tfl.nu/dui8
  Replies (12) Good night (4165) Bad night (1396)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?

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  (716): I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone? http://tfl.nu/d362
  Replies (8) Good night (1705) Bad night (2664)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.

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  (702): I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave. http://tfl.nu/8hoe
  Replies (17) Good night (3779) Bad night (1585)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?

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  (859): How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom? http://tfl.nu/dl3d
  Replies (10) Good night (3543) Bad night (1513)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.

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  (978): Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now. http://tfl.nu/sf6h
  Replies (4) Good night (1010) Bad night (3192)
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  (516): View more from New York

  he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board

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  (516): he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board http://tfl.nu/9lcb
  Replies (5) Good night (1156) Bad night (1938)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken

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  (561): how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken http://tfl.nu/p5ms
  Replies (5) Good night (1867) Bad night (1444)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.

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  (610): At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there. http://tfl.nu/2tn8
  Replies (1) Good night (1735) Bad night (842)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.

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  (302): Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one. http://tfl.nu/7sz8
  Replies (9) Good night (2414) Bad night (847)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?

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  (973): Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire? http://tfl.nu/uthj
  Replies (3) Good night (1006) Bad night (539)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.

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  (406): I have better things to do with my life than be faithful. http://tfl.nu/xz80
  Replies (8) Good night (689) Bad night (1370)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days

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  (772): 22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days http://tfl.nu/xtol
  Replies (8) Good night (540) Bad night (379)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in

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  (334): Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in http://tfl.nu/e7vu
  Replies (0) Good night (175) Bad night (329)

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