so explain again why im purple
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party