i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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