Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.