just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?