New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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