Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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