and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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