There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
