Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
