I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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