thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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