she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you win again, gameday.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
pray to the hookup gods
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
