Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
