I'm so fucking centered right now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
