i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
