You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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