yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
