she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
did i just pee glitter
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
