Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
