My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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