I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
