I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
