So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
