Just fell off a train. Bad.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
