you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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