If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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