I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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