Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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