My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
