how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
