it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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