You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
