every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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