I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
MIDGETS
????
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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