Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
