Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
