I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
