3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
