it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
