I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh god it's open bar.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
