do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
