WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
