Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
