We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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