I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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