i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
