I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
