Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
