i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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