How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
