We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
