So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
