Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
