wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
